Editor’s Note: Basketball Nerds and Def Pen Hoops are pleased to introduce our readers to the newest part of our team. The Basketbard is a visionary, a poet, a playwright, and a bucket-getter. He makes his debut with Act 1, Scene 1 of his latest work: “The Tragedie of the Kings of Sacrament” about the trading of DeMarcus Cousins.
THE TRAGEDIE OF THE KINGS OF SACRAMENT
ACTUS PRIMUS, SCENA PRIMA
——————
Enter DeMarcus Cousins and Vlade Divac
Vlade
Greetings, Boogie. ‘tis a treat to see you!
DeMarcus
Blessings be unto thee, noble Vlade.
Vlade
May I offer thee a cigarette, sir?
DeMarcus
Nay! I smoke not the devil’s nicotine.
Vlade
Ay, I seem to have forgotten this fact.
Please forgive and accept mine apology.
DeMarcus
Of course. ‘Twas an honest mistake, Vlade!
Loyalty‘s love, to you I am loyal.
I question not thine own motivation,
And ask that we move on from this subject.
Vlade
‘Tis well that we do that very thing, sir.
Art thou prepared for thine trip down south?
DeMarcus
Ay, ‘tis with a heavy heart though, Vlade.
For six and one years I’ve lived in this town,
‘Tis but a shame every time I leave.
For the Orleans of New is a grand place,
But mine heart abides in this great city,
The city of Sacrament as a King.
Vlade
Fear not, DeMarcus. Thou art an All-Star!
‘Tis but a weekend’s visit to the south.
And on Monday thou will be right back here,
Within this city, the town of Sacrament.
DeMarcus
I know this, but my love for it runneth deep,
And with every beat my heart doth take.
I do pray that I stay here forever
In this city which I love, Sacrament.
Vlade
Go now, for you have a game to play, now.
When thou returneth from Orleans, anew.
We shall discuss thine future as a King.
Now go out and win us this game, Boogie.
DeMarcus
Many thanks unto you, good sir Vlade.
And I will win this game in your honor!
Exeunt DeMarcus. Enter Vivek.
Vlade
Vivek! Doth thou desire a cigarette?
Vivek
Nay, noble Vlade. I have not the time.
For I have seen someone whom I must have.
Buddy Hield is this wonderful man’s name.
With a jump shot so grand, so very smooth,
That I cannot help but fancy this man,
The greatest shooter on the gods’ flat earth.
Like Stephen Curry, only he’s better.
Dearest Vlade! Noble Vlade! Pray you!
Canst thou get this shooter in Sacrament?
Will thou please make mine dearest dreams come true?
Vlade
I will see what I can accomplish,
For DeMarcus needs some help from his team.
A shooter would be quite the get for us.
Vivek
About he, Vlade. About DeMarcus.
Vlade
Is he not grand? Is he not a legend?
For such a man to be in Sacrament,
Is a blessing I could never express,
In mere words and sentences and sonnets.
Loyalty is love, to him I’m loyal.
Vivek
I want him gone.
Vlade
-You want him what, Vivek?
Vivek
I want him gone, and I want Buddy Hield.
Vlade
Art thou mad? Art thou insane? Art thou good?
Vivek
‘Twas but a week ago, perhaps longer,
Following the game against the Warriors.
The Warriors of the State so Golden.
Vlade
‘Twas a great game. Outstanding victory.
Vivek
Yes, but following that game, in the hall,
He doth performed a despicable act!
An act most unnecessary, Vlade!
Vlade
And what kind of act did Boogie perform?
Vivek
He doth raised his third finger skyward,
And then he cursed the mighty Warriors!
Thou cannot curse my belov’d Warriors!
Vlade
And what about thine belov’d Kings? Your team.
Vivek.
My team, Vlade? Your team. This is your team.
What doth thou think I was saying that night?
I own this team, but mine heart’s in Oakland.
That is, unless, we can acquire Buddy.
Sweet, sweet Buddy. Good King Buddy.
Vlade
Fie! I cannot turn my back on Boogie!
For loyalty is love and-
Vivek
-Get Buddy
Vlade
I know not what you are thinking, Vivek,
But I assure you that this is a phase!
Sleep on it, and get back to me later!
Vivek
I shall do what thou requested of me,
I will give this plan some thought, good Vlade.
I bid thee farewell, see thee at the game!
Exeunt Vivek
Vlade
Trade Boogie Cousins?? Trade him far away?
Surely he cannot be of the right mind,
To truly think this idea makes sense.
Alas, I am torn between two great men.
On one side, DeMarcus. Boogie. Friend.
Conversely, Vivek. My boss and leader.
What Maloofery is Vivek thinking?
Trading a King so loyal and so grand?
But, it is his team, and he is my boss.
If I do not comply, I may be gone.
Out of work, out of the job. Forgotten.
Alas, I know not what I am to do.
Stuck betwixt a rock and a hard place.
Praying that Vivek restores sanity,
And does not make me do the thing I dread.
Praying that this madness will soon subside,
And winning will return to Sacrament.
But, alas. I pray. What if it is time?
What if all this noise, all of this bustle,
Hath led us backward, rather than forward?
What does it all mean? Is this what we want?
Nay! ‘Tis not the time, nor place, nor method!
I curse the notion of trading Boogie!
I spit on the thought of letting him go!
For we are but one game from the playoffs!
The first season in over ten years. We shan’t!
We can’t! The masses would never forgive us!
Such wanton irresponsibility!
I shall now go to sleep, and pray ‘tis all dreams.
And move this team forward to the future!
Exeunt Vlade
Actus Prima, Scena Secunda shall cometh soon…
