When people say that failure is a component of success, they’re not just trying to make you feel better. No one is going to succeed at every endeavor, and failure happens sometimes when you try something new. Learning not to fear it can be powerful because it means you are unafraid to take risks. Here’s how you can reframe your relationship with failure so that you see it as simply a step on the path to success.
Think Like a Scientist
In a way, the career of every experimental scientist is littered with failures because science is the process of testing something until you get the right answer. In other words, it often involves eliminating all the things that are wrong until you’re left with the one right answer. Even if you wouldn’t know a proton from a protozoa, you can take a similar scientific approach: if you try something one way and it doesn’t work, you now have valuable data you can use to improve your processes and your chances of getting it right on the next round.
Destigmatize Failure
You might think that failing at things a lot would be devastating, but in fact, the opposite can be true. In many cases, the people who fear it most are those who have little experience dealing with it. When you make it a more regular thing, you’ll see that nothing particularly bad comes as a result of it. So, you’re trying for your dream job and didn’t get a second interview: you didn’t die from embarrassment, your friends didn’t abandon you and your dog still likes you. This particular lesson is one that freelancers, actors and salespeople already know: you have to cast a wide net and listen to a lot of “no” to get the “yes” that you’re looking for.
Reward Yourself
Most people agree you should reward yourself when you do something right, but what about when you don’t? Whether you’ve asked for a raise and been told no, made a pitch that didn’t impress, run for office without success or entered a bike race and did not finish, you still deserve a reward. Some people even set goals that are specifically oriented around being told “no.” You could use this approach if you’re applying for colleges as well as for scholarships, grants and loans to pay for your future. Depending on your credit record, you might have to try several private lenders before you get a good offer. Filling out applications for both college and loans can be stressful, so give yourself a reward for each one you complete.
Practice Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation means you are motivated by something inside yourself rather than external rewards. Nobody wants to toil away forever with no recognition of their hard work, but having a solid vein of intrinsic motivation can keep you going until you succeed. Most of the above suggestions help you develop your intrinsic motivation because they shift your thinking away from recognition from others and help you focus on recognizing and appreciating your own courage and efforts. The idea is not to wallow in failure but to build up the resilience to weather disappointment so you can take the chances that will eventually lead to success.
