I remember hardly anything about 2nd grade other than the fact that I totally loved two things: Goosebumps and Power Rangers. And what do you know, both have come back as big screen events in the mid-2010s.
Goosebumps got it right, keeping the tone of the franchise intact while not lazily rehashing old material in favor of a fresh plot with a postmodern twist. It’s the kind of film I love as an adult, would’ve loved as a kid, and will certainly dig out for my future children (fingers crossed) to enjoy. Power Rangers is…none of that. It’s instead an overlong, tedious, drab, and inconstant dud that is unsuited to any real audience.
Five suburban teens (Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott, RJ Cyler, Becky G, and Ludi Lin) are all at a rock quarry one day by chance. An explosion that one of them causes draws them all over and they find the power coins. After trying to go about their normal lives and seeing that their physical strength has been augmented, they decide to go back. Exploring the area some more, they eventually find the spaceship base and Zordon (Bryan Cranston), the big blue face on the wall from whom they learn that they’ve now become the Power Rangers. But in order to morph (and properly function as a team, but never mind that) they’ll need to figure out how to get along.
Also coincidentally happening is that a fishing expedition in town accidentally awakens Rita Repulsa (Elizabeth Banks), who then becomes a serial killer terrorizing the town. Zordon informs the Rangers that she is collecting gold to build a monster (no prizes for guessing which monster that is, though you’ll be very disappointed that it’s turned into a mindless mute henchthing) and it’s up to them to stop her.
First issue is the civilian identities of the Rangers, which bear the exact same names as the show’s first season crew. But since they’re these characters that are completely different and in name only, they should just be completely new and original characters. Memo to the makers: randomly slapping the names of the old and established characters on creations that have nothing in common with them is not fan service.
This leads right into the next major problem: there’s no one who could possibly enjoy this. The content is completely inappropriate for children (who by the way do have the current version of the show to watch; why not just make a movie of that?) and the older fans are going to find that content off-putting. Really now, it’s just horrifying see that what was once a sunny, easygoing, and fun watch is warped into grime with mentions of nude pic sextings (yes, really) and other such trashiness that recall the similarly-disgraceful elements of the first two live action Transformers films. And “Bayformers” is definitely the comparison to make in regards to the aesthetics, which roboticize the suits in appearance but add no extra functionality while the Zords fare little better.
Bringing things down further is Banks as Repulsa. It’s a huge miscast and yes, yet another unfortunate case of whitewashing. I’m guessing we’re supposed to feel it’s mitigated by the Rangers’ racial lineup being more diversified and switched around, but sorry, no dice. It’s an absolutely awful characterization to boot: a bizarre cross between Poison Ivy and Freddy Kruger that seems to have wandered over from an entirely different movie.
But if that’s not enough, there’s plenty of other flaws. The script is a mess, with important things left unexplained (when the team escapes a car crash by instantly being returned to their homes with no memory of what happened) or contradicted (they are shown to be able to hold their breath underwater for longer periods of time, and this somehow becomes forgotten later on). Action is directed like second-rate Zack Snyder. The Putties are back, this time redesigned as ripoffs of the rock monsters from Noah. And to top it all off, some of the most obnoxious product placement in years (and I’m the rare person who’s typically not bothered by such a thing).
Bill Hader makes Alpha 5 tolerable, but that’s pretty much only the positive thing to get out of this. It’s just sad when a porn spoof shows more reverence for the original material and offers more for old fans to be nostalgic about than the official film does.
