Frederick Douglass defined the ‘self-made man’ as someone who ‘owes little or nothing to birth, relationship, friendly surroundings; who are what they are, without the aid of any of the favoring conditions by which other men usually rise in the world and achieve great results.’ (‘Self-Made Men’)
But, then again, who the hell is Frederick Douglass to say a former corrections officer named after a notorious drug lord isn’t ‘self-made’ like Sam Walton, Benjamin Franklin or John D. Rockefeller (etc)? I mean, how could an entertainer who needed a Jewish record execs’ ink to dry on his record deal NOT, in fact, be ‘self-made?!’
Doesn’t matter, though, does it Hip-Hop? Ricky Walrus Rozay is the ‘hottest rapper alive,’ and back, once again, to showcase his corny rapper collection with the Maybach Music Group compilation Self Made, Vol. 1.
[MMG: ‘Peedi Meek’ Mill (Peedie Crakk back?), Wale (#NobodyCares), French Montana (Google: Who?), Triple C’s (No.), Pill (A better Ace Hood), Magazeen (Like, gun magazine? Oh.), Masspike Miles (Obligatory ‘R&B thug’ crooner), Stalley (Too DOPE for MMG) & Teedra Moses (Obligatory ‘R&B bitch’ who sits on Rick Ross’ lap in rented Maybachs)].
And, honestly, it’s glorious audio junk food for ’90s babies who still update their Myspace page. An irrelevant rapper talent show where [Insert MMG rappers HERE] spit about luxury vehicles they can’t afford, exotical bitches they’ve never smashed and army guns they’ve never fired. Yes. Grandiose delusionism at its absolute finest.
As always, Ricky effortlessly spews fantastical fraudulence (“Being self made is all I know. ‘Till my d*ck in the dirt. One time for the real n*ggas“) over epic cacophonies of redundancy provided by the world’s most untalented producers Lexington Lugeratti (who makes music for people with Alzheimer’s disease), Cardiak, Young Shun, Jahlil Beats, Lee Major & Raz.
Naturally, every track sounds exactly the same—like, bad azz kids banging on studio keyboards—making the album unlistenable after 15 minutes. Well, that, coupled with Ricky’s gaudier arsenal of grunt-libs, dreadful hooks and instantly-forgettable strugglebars (Peedi Meek: “Charlie Sheen on dem hataz/they don’t wanna lemme win.”) certify Self Made, Vol. 1 as unlistenable noise.
There’s simply no galaxy for whackest hook ever candidates “Fitted Caps,” (Feat. J. Cole, who takes a thousand steps back as an MC) “Tupac Back,” “By Any Means,” “Pacman” & “Big Bank.” Why Ricky is STILL allowed to use legendary figures to sensationalize his ‘bossdom’ is rap’s greatest unsolved mystery.
(See “By Any Means” hook: “By Any Means/If you like it or not/Malcolm X/By any means/many 14 stuffed in my denim jeans/ Hasalama lakem, malakum asalam/whatever your religion kiss the ring of the don/real n*gga/street certified/hit the streets whip cost 335“)
Sadly, legions of snapback & skinny jean soldiers will worship this album until the next ‘Rapture’ scare. To them, it’ll be the most epic musical masterpiece to drop since Teflon Don, and, in some cases, Flockaveli. The hoes will twitpic their titties to this. The coonlings will count their racks to this. It is what it is.
Now, to be fair, “Self Made” (Intro) & “I’m A Boss” BANG, with “Self Made” (prod. by Just Blaze) shining as the album’s gem. And yes, Wale (who’s still too hipsterish, too hopelessly-emo to fit MMG’s concept) earned a gold star as the group’s best MC (‘Weed I can’t pronounce, man, this shit will leave Rosetta stoned’). It’s true: MMG without Wale is like Young Money without Drake (Don’t laugh. I’m serious. OK, I’m lying).
Collectively, MMG is the least interesting ‘group’ in rap history. They desperately want to be The Diplomats but…aren’t. In fact, I liked Harlem World’s compilation better (Blinky Blink > Peedi Meek). To me, (Dungeon Family) Even In Darkness, The Dynasty: Roc La Familia, Ryde or Die, Vol. 1, Diplomatic Immunity, No Way Out & (Flipmode) The Imperial (Lord Have Mercy > MMG) are the golden standard for Hip-Hop compilations.
Don’t agree? You were probably born in the ’90s. 1 out of 4 stars. Download it.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Def Pen Radio.
