Never has there been a (half) year where the impossible happened, daily. And by impossible, I mean Obama finding Bin Laden before Detox dropped. Yes. January to June ’11 was legendary. Rawse inspired kids to sell dope straight off their metro phone, Kelly motivated dudes to paralyze wifey during sex, Adele gave scorned women power to set fire to their ex’s clothes rain & Weezy taught aspiring ‘Basketball Wives’ how to love. My name is Alejandro & these are my (Half) Year Awards. Swag. Woo. Swag.
(Winners receive a lavish Def Pen swag bag that includes personal ‘cooking dance’ lessons from Lil’ B, Ricky Rozay’s greatest grunts compilation album, an autographed copy of Busta Rhymes’ new book ‘Look At Me Now’ Verse: Decoded,’ $25 Gift Card to the obligatory ‘urban gear’ store in your local mall & a Def Pen coloring book.)
Return of 4eva makes dudes who replenish canned goods at Wal-Mart feel like they’re 20-feet-tall. Stranger-hos (who dream of getting Big Sean lyrics tatted on their titties) give their life to Christ when they hear it. It’s the soundtrack of the new south; An impeccable collection of trunk-rattling bangers that would inspire the dead-beatest of dads to pay their child support on time. It’s the Return of 4eva, hoe.
Lasers is an incredible Kidz Bop album that starts where Bruno Mars Doo-Wops & Hooligans Nicki Minaj’s Pink Friday ended. Why it’s labeled ‘Hip-Hop,’ I’ll never know nor care enough to write an eloquent letter to Atlantic records asking why, but kids go insane when “Out of my Mind” drops at Chuck E. Cheese. No, I’ve never witnessed this but I’m almost certain it happens at every location. Nightly. (Yea…Lupe lost.)
Frank Ocean’s debut mixtape nostalgia, Ultra (See: “Strawberry Swing” & “We All Try”) didn’t change my life or the face of R&B mixtapes forever like Twitter said it would. I mean, I wanted it to so I could celebrate its life-changing effects with everyone else on my timeline. Eh, but…nah, it was nothing more than a solid cover album that most people didn’t realize was a cover album. I’m a ‘hater,’ I know. Moving on.
When combined, Black Milk, Guilty Simpson & Sean Price form Random Axe, Hip-Hop’s most sinister ‘super group’ specializing in filthy, disrespectful, kick-your-mama-in-the-mouth-with-scuffed-Timbs-just-because-Hip-Hop. Believe me, this is quality armed robbery music that will make you kick old ladies off their motorized carts in Target. Detroit rap, BACK.
Honestly, I just like the way #OOMF’s titties bounce when she rocks, pops & drops it to this song. SWAG.
Face it, “Girls” is a DOPE Willow Smith record. It’s “Massive Attack” with a feminist twist. Track #9 on a Ke$ha album. The song DJs play to clear the club. At some point, Beyonce (*37) has to start making music for married women with husbands, kids and menopausal flashes. But won’t, and will still be giving young girls instructions in the club at age 50. ‘Patchoweave Ladies! PatPATchoweave!’ Damn shame.
“Motivation” was made for grown women who don’t mind being confined to a wheelchair after sex. It’s 2011’s official ladies anthem. Thongs slide to ankles when this drops in the club. Dudes that look like Sam Cassel get lap dances from exotical models. No, I won’t ever admit to liking this song (due to Kelly’s inauthentic ho-sh*t & Weezy’s haiku) but its impact on women I lust over is undeniable.
Langston Hughes didn’t spend the best years of his life perfecting the Hip-Hop rhyme pattern for rappers to be using a sentence fragment + complementary noun-flow in 2011. Rappers, please…stop. “Hang it up…flatscreen.” Thanks. — Hip-Hop.
It takes a very special coon to write an ode to thee most ratchet retail establishment in the galaxy–Wal-Mart. This may be the single most coonificent act in the history of modern coondom. “Wal-Mart” (or, ‘Waw-Mawt,’ as Mr. Ghetto says it) was obviously made for people who: A) attempt to buy Prada shoes with their EBT card B) parking lot pimp at the check cashing store C) steal money out of Tithe envelopes at Church D) (Ladies) spend their child support money on Jordan heels.
Seriously, get Mr. Ghetto outta here! He’s a hood terrorist who had someone’s child bustin it wide open inside a Wal-Mart shopping cart. At this point, nothing shocks me anymore but this video made me contemplate using Sammy Sosa’s cake soap to escape Negronia. My people, we have to do better. Antoine Dodson didn’t fight for civil equality in a silk bonnet for us to be shaming our ancestors like this in 2011. Amen.
Hopefully, you enjoyed Def Pen’s 1st Annual Half-Year Awards. Best & Worst of 2011 coming soon. May the SWAG be with you.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Def Pen Radio.
